LIFE WITH A BOSTON TERRIER
After spending 10 years of my life with a Boston Terrier, I thought I’d break down what I have learned throughout the years. Be warned, there's a bit of vulgarity and adult humor in this so consider yourself warned.
1. There's nothing on this planet that is cuter than a Boston Terrier puppy.
This is how the good Lord sucks you into acquiring one in the 1st place. They can melt the heart of Satan.
1. There's nothing on this planet that is cuter than a Boston Terrier puppy.
This is how the good Lord sucks you into acquiring one in the 1st place. They can melt the heart of Satan.
2. Heaven sent or Satan dominions?
Which leads me to my next point. Sometimes they do really bad things which convinces you that Satan sent them up to terrorize you. On the other hand, I’m also convinced that God purposely made them cute so you don’t flip your lid and flush them down the toilet when they do something really bad.
Which leads me to my next point. Sometimes they do really bad things which convinces you that Satan sent them up to terrorize you. On the other hand, I’m also convinced that God purposely made them cute so you don’t flip your lid and flush them down the toilet when they do something really bad.
3. Show them the money!
I have found that Boston Terriers are the canine version of gold diggers. You just can’t help but to buy them all sorts of shit. I’m not talking about the basics such as good food and lots of toys. I’m talking about fancy collars, a wardrobe that often requires their own dresser/closet space and things along those lines. I’ve even gone so far as to make my dogs clothes. Dresses, coats, collars and Halloween costumes and the like. I haven’t sewn shit for myself but at least my dogs are well dressed.
I have found that Boston Terriers are the canine version of gold diggers. You just can’t help but to buy them all sorts of shit. I’m not talking about the basics such as good food and lots of toys. I’m talking about fancy collars, a wardrobe that often requires their own dresser/closet space and things along those lines. I’ve even gone so far as to make my dogs clothes. Dresses, coats, collars and Halloween costumes and the like. I haven’t sewn shit for myself but at least my dogs are well dressed.
Based on the looks on their faces, I can’t say they truly appreciate it but I digress.
4. They're great man bait!
You don't even have to put on the war paint, go to war and trap a prisoner into marriage! Just get a Boston Terrier. I have found that most men love it when a woman loves dogs. However, some men are put off by little dogs, particularly those that are considered “girly” dogs such as Poodles and Yorkshire Terriers. While Boston Terriers are small, most men don’t mind them because they have a “Bulldog-ish/Boxer-ish” look to them and they’re sturdy dogs which means you can tussle with them without breaking them. That means you can get your man to walk them without him bitching about how he can’t walk a little dog without everyone thinking he’s a big sissy. Not to mention, most Boston Terriers are under the impression that they’re about 100lbs bigger than they really are. Considering that they originally started out as a fighting breed, they think they’re tough guys and they walk around like their shit doesn’t stink. This explains why they won’t hesitate to start a fight with a way bigger dog and even if they get their asses kicked, they still won’t back down and will fight to the death. Guys seem to appreciate that hard ass tough guy attitude in a 15lb dog(and probably wish they had balls just as big but that’s totally going off on a tangent, lol).
You don't even have to put on the war paint, go to war and trap a prisoner into marriage! Just get a Boston Terrier. I have found that most men love it when a woman loves dogs. However, some men are put off by little dogs, particularly those that are considered “girly” dogs such as Poodles and Yorkshire Terriers. While Boston Terriers are small, most men don’t mind them because they have a “Bulldog-ish/Boxer-ish” look to them and they’re sturdy dogs which means you can tussle with them without breaking them. That means you can get your man to walk them without him bitching about how he can’t walk a little dog without everyone thinking he’s a big sissy. Not to mention, most Boston Terriers are under the impression that they’re about 100lbs bigger than they really are. Considering that they originally started out as a fighting breed, they think they’re tough guys and they walk around like their shit doesn’t stink. This explains why they won’t hesitate to start a fight with a way bigger dog and even if they get their asses kicked, they still won’t back down and will fight to the death. Guys seem to appreciate that hard ass tough guy attitude in a 15lb dog(and probably wish they had balls just as big but that’s totally going off on a tangent, lol).
5. On the other hand...
There is a reason why I have 1 kid yet I had 3 dogs. If you are looking for the perfect contraceptive, look no further than a Boston Terrier. The Boston Terrier Method works in 3 different ways and it’s a method that requires no action on your part, they do the work all by themselves. The 1st way it works is by barrier method. When they sense that you’re about to get your freak on, they make a point to get between you and your man. The 2nd way it works is by manipulation. You and your man could be involved in some very heavy foreplay and you’ll hear a sigh. You’ll look over and see a pouting face or even worse, a serious stink eye. At that point, the thought of the “children” watching you do filthy things to each other becomes such a turn off so you end up rolling over, turning on the telly and calling the dogs back into bed so everyone can cuddle.
There is a reason why I have 1 kid yet I had 3 dogs. If you are looking for the perfect contraceptive, look no further than a Boston Terrier. The Boston Terrier Method works in 3 different ways and it’s a method that requires no action on your part, they do the work all by themselves. The 1st way it works is by barrier method. When they sense that you’re about to get your freak on, they make a point to get between you and your man. The 2nd way it works is by manipulation. You and your man could be involved in some very heavy foreplay and you’ll hear a sigh. You’ll look over and see a pouting face or even worse, a serious stink eye. At that point, the thought of the “children” watching you do filthy things to each other becomes such a turn off so you end up rolling over, turning on the telly and calling the dogs back into bed so everyone can cuddle.
The 3rd way it works is when all of the above has failed. You and your man are so hot and bothered that you’re willing to push the dogs out of the way and you’ve managed to tune out the sighs and the looks. This is when they lay down the law. They’ll hide out under the blankets. When you and your man are beyond the point of ripping each others clothes off and you’re ready to get under the sheets to get down to the nitty gritty, that’s when the smell emanates from under the sheets. You have been “Dutch Ovened”. For those who don’t know, Boston Terriers are seriously prone to gas. Sometimes, it’s so bad even they have to leave the room. They have learned to use this to their advantage and they know there’s no better way to kill someone’s chances of getting some action than when a nuclear holocaust has occurred in the bedroom. They figure if the attention isn’t all on them, then NO ONE is getting any attention!
6. The Boston Terriers and their housekeeping staff reside here.
While Boston Terriers are easy to maintain in regards to grooming and all that jazz, I have found that when they get sick, it’s just not suitable to unleash the fury on a hardwood floor, tile floor, linoleum or any other surface which is extremely easy to clean. That’s for chumps. If they’re going to puke up the decaying opossum they gnawed on or shoot pond water out of their asses, they’re going to do it on your new sofa or they’re going to do it all over your freshly washed blankets on top of your plush pillow top bed. This is especially true if you’re expecting company or you’re dead tired from work and all you want to do is go home and go straight to sleep.
While Boston Terriers are easy to maintain in regards to grooming and all that jazz, I have found that when they get sick, it’s just not suitable to unleash the fury on a hardwood floor, tile floor, linoleum or any other surface which is extremely easy to clean. That’s for chumps. If they’re going to puke up the decaying opossum they gnawed on or shoot pond water out of their asses, they’re going to do it on your new sofa or they’re going to do it all over your freshly washed blankets on top of your plush pillow top bed. This is especially true if you’re expecting company or you’re dead tired from work and all you want to do is go home and go straight to sleep.
7. For the love of all that's holy, I own BOSTON TERRIERS!
For some strange reason, whenever I’m out in public, my dogs constantly get mistaken for every other breed out there. I have been asked if I own Pugs, French Bulldogs, Boxers and “toy” Pit Bulls. I’ve even been asked if I own “Irish Boston Terriers”. I don’t know what an “Irish Boston Terrier” looks like but I know what a couple of Mexican Boston Terriers look like, lol.
For some strange reason, whenever I’m out in public, my dogs constantly get mistaken for every other breed out there. I have been asked if I own Pugs, French Bulldogs, Boxers and “toy” Pit Bulls. I’ve even been asked if I own “Irish Boston Terriers”. I don’t know what an “Irish Boston Terrier” looks like but I know what a couple of Mexican Boston Terriers look like, lol.
8. My Boston Terriers are my co-pilots.
I can’t leave the house without listening to cries and whimpers. They love to go cruising. It doesn’t matter if I’m going on a Kotex run or going on vacation, dammit to Hell, they want to go! The good thing is they’re small enough to take on vacation so it’s really easy to pack them up and go.
I can’t leave the house without listening to cries and whimpers. They love to go cruising. It doesn’t matter if I’m going on a Kotex run or going on vacation, dammit to Hell, they want to go! The good thing is they’re small enough to take on vacation so it’s really easy to pack them up and go.
9. Spoiled Rotten
You just can’t help but to spoil them. My dogs eat $56 dog food. I eat hot dogs. If my dogs get seriously sick, I’m rushing off to the emergency vet. If I break a bone, I’m pouring Robitussin on it and drinking a Sprite in hopes that it cures it. We could be cruising around on a hot summer day with the windows down. The humans can be bitching about the heat. The minute I see my dogs panting, I’m rolling up the windows and cranking up the A/C. My dogs have been to at least 4 different types of obedience classes. I only went as far as high school. My dog has achieved 2 different obedience titles and has won 1st place in some dog obedience shows. I won 2nd place at a “Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya!” contest and that’s only because the 1st place winner was letting everything and the kitchen sink hang out but that’s besides the point.
You just can’t help but to spoil them. My dogs eat $56 dog food. I eat hot dogs. If my dogs get seriously sick, I’m rushing off to the emergency vet. If I break a bone, I’m pouring Robitussin on it and drinking a Sprite in hopes that it cures it. We could be cruising around on a hot summer day with the windows down. The humans can be bitching about the heat. The minute I see my dogs panting, I’m rolling up the windows and cranking up the A/C. My dogs have been to at least 4 different types of obedience classes. I only went as far as high school. My dog has achieved 2 different obedience titles and has won 1st place in some dog obedience shows. I won 2nd place at a “Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya!” contest and that’s only because the 1st place winner was letting everything and the kitchen sink hang out but that’s besides the point.
10. They're like crack rock.
You smoke it and you’re addicted. Same thing with Boston Terriers. You get one and you just have to get another one. I’ve only had 2 but some of my friends are up to their asses in them. I just lost my sweet little angel but so far I’m maintaining. I give it another 6 months, and that’s being generous, before my left eye twitches, I get the shakes and I find myself committing a B&E at one of my Boston Terrier breeder friends house and stuffing a puppy down my shirt.
And that, my friends, breaks it down. If you’re interested in getting a Boston Terrier, please do your research! Make sure you acquire one from a responsible source whether it be a responsible breeder or a responsible shelter or rescue. Please do not support irresponsible breeders!
You smoke it and you’re addicted. Same thing with Boston Terriers. You get one and you just have to get another one. I’ve only had 2 but some of my friends are up to their asses in them. I just lost my sweet little angel but so far I’m maintaining. I give it another 6 months, and that’s being generous, before my left eye twitches, I get the shakes and I find myself committing a B&E at one of my Boston Terrier breeder friends house and stuffing a puppy down my shirt.
And that, my friends, breaks it down. If you’re interested in getting a Boston Terrier, please do your research! Make sure you acquire one from a responsible source whether it be a responsible breeder or a responsible shelter or rescue. Please do not support irresponsible breeders!
If you thought this was a riot, be sure to check out Life with a Rottweiler!!